How to stop self sabotage

It feels like yesterday I was constantly tripping over my own feet. Not literally, but emotionally, mentally. I was a self-sabotage expert, and my masterpiece was ruining every opportunity that came my way. I remember a job interview I completely bombed, not because I lacked skills, but because I kept thinking about how I wasn't good enough.

That negative voice played on repeat, making me fumble answers and appear completely unprepared. It was a classic example of me getting in my own way. It took a while, but I finally realized I was the common denominator in all my failures. That's when I started researching and experimenting with ways to stop self-sabotage.

The first thing I did was identify my triggers. What situations, thoughts, or feelings made me want to self-destruct? For me, it was often deadlines, public speaking, and even compliments. Yep, even positive attention made me uncomfortable and triggered my inner critic. Once I knew my triggers, I started challenging those negative thoughts.

Instead of believing "I'm going to fail," I'd ask myself, "What evidence do I have to support that claim?" Usually, the evidence was based on past mistakes, not current reality. I learned to reframe my thinking. Instead of seeing a mistake as a catastrophe, I started viewing it as a learning opportunity. Next, I focused on building my self-esteem. I started small, celebrating my accomplishments, no matter how insignificant they seemed.

Did I finish a project on time? Awesome! Did I cook a decent meal? Celebrate! These small wins helped me build a more positive self-image. I also started practicing self-compassion. When I inevitably messed up, I treated myself with kindness and understanding, just like I would a friend. Setting realistic goals was another game-changer. I used to set these incredibly high expectations for myself, knowing I couldn't possibly meet them.

This only fueled my self-sabotaging behavior. Instead, I started breaking down my goals into smaller, more manageable steps. Achieving these smaller steps gave me a sense of accomplishment and boosted my confidence. I also learned the importance of taking care of myself. When I was stressed and overwhelmed, I was much more likely to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.

So, I started prioritizing self-care. This meant getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities I enjoyed. Finding healthy ways to manage stress, like meditation or spending time in nature, also made a huge difference. Finally, I realized I couldn't do it all alone. I sought support from friends, family, and a therapist.

Talking about my struggles helped me gain perspective and develop coping strategies. Having a support system made me feel less alone and more accountable for my actions. It wasn't an overnight fix, but gradually, I started to see a change. I was no longer constantly sabotaging my own success. I still have moments of doubt and fear, but now I have the tools to manage them.

I’m not perfect, but I’m definitely a work in progress. I still stumble, but now I know how to get back up, dust myself off, and keep moving forward. The journey to stop self-sabotage is a marathon, not a sprint, but it’s a journey worth taking. You deserve to live a life free from your own internal sabotage. Remember, you are capable, worthy, and deserving of success.

**Comments:**
Name: Sarah I would recommend journaling! Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you identify patterns of self-sabotage. It's like having a conversation with yourself on paper, and it can be really insightful. I’ve been doing it for years and it’s made a world of difference.
Name: Mark I'd say focusing on your strengths is crucial.

We often dwell on our weaknesses, but identifying and leveraging your strengths can build confidence and reduce the urge to self-sabotage. Think about what you're naturally good at and find ways to use those skills more often.
Name: Emily I think it's important to remember that perfection is unattainable. Trying to be perfect is a surefire way to set yourself up for failure and self-sabotage.

Embrace your imperfections and learn from your mistakes.
Name: David I would add that mindfulness can be really helpful. Learning to be present in the moment and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment can prevent you from getting caught up in negative thought patterns.